Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Exhaustion...

I am physically, emotionally and mentally...TIRED.

There is no way around it.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Day 1

Well, I started it! I did my first work out of Jillian's famous 30 Day Shred! I feel so good about myself for finally pulling my butt of the couch and starting towards my weight loss goal!! WOO!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Christmas Spirit...

It is my little man's first Christmas... I am looking forward to it! However, I have had some difficulty getting tooooo excited, because a key member of our family is going to be missing! Jeff and I haven't missed a Christmas together since we started dating in highschool, so this is especially hard to not have him around during the holiday season. It hurts to see people's facebook updates about putting up the tree together as a family, about Christmas shopping together. It just makes me sad, because at this point, I would give my right arm to have these things!

For those of you with little ones and deployed spouses--how do you deal?

In other news, I had a complete breakdown in the DOT yesterday. I had to renew my driver's license, and I was waiting for the paper copy they print for you until your license comes in the mail. Sqworms started to get a little fussy (he was getting hungry and warm), but he hadn't hit full blown cry yet, it was more a fussy whine..well, some middle aged woman looks at me and says, "Get your kid under control. And if you can't do that, then maybe you shouldn't take him places with you."....Wow, I was so angry...I burst into tears and looked at her and said "I am doing the best I can! And as for taking him places, his DAD is DEPLOYED so I have no other options!" Then I walked out.

Sometimes, people just don't think before opening their mouths. They never stop to think of what other people are going through and that maybe they ARE trying the best they can to make it through this crazy life with the resources available to them. It really gets me thinking and I truly try to put myself in others shoes before judging.

*Sigh*.

I saw a good quote today
"I am quite relieved when I let God take control, trying to control everything myself is exhausting!"

HOW TRUE!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving Break...

I am so thankful for the opportunities I have had this Thanksgiving Break. I have been lucky enough to spend 4 evenings skyping with Jeff who is overseas. We were so blessed to be able to skype during Sqworms first trial with rice cereal. I was so happy that Jeff was able to share in that experience with us.

Sqworms got ahold of an oreo cookie that Pappy had in his hand, he latche.d down and enjoyed the chocolate taste...He gets that craving for chocolate from his momma!!
We have been in New York for the last week and have really enjoyed doing some sight seeing. It has definitely been nice not worrying about school or work!!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

....

Today is just one of those days where I just am sad :(

I miss Jeff a lot!

In otherwords, I am off to see my sister in law for the week..in NEW YORK! YAY!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

When Life Gets you Down..

Things have been pretty rough recently.
Jeff's unit will soon be out of communication..and when I say this, I mean that I'm not sure how often I will get to hear from him now, and how I will hear from him...emails, phone calls, instant messaging, facebook..skype? Hopefully skype. I would love that. So I'm trying to adjust to the fact that he won't just be a text message away from saving me from the sadness of that day.

I'm trying to play catch up on everything that I got behind on from my trip/spending so much time at the hospital with my Grandma. Thats always hard to do--catch up on the mounds of laundry, homework, and housework.

Because of the stress I'm under, friendships have taken a hit. I admit it- I'm a bit cranky and short when I get stressed- we shall see what happens in the weeks to come.

Sqworms is teething--that makes for one unhappy baby. He goes from completely happy, to nearly inconsolable at times--poor guy :( I wish I could make him feel better.

I wish there was something awesome I could blog to you all about- but honestly, I have been a little down this week :(

I would like to thank all of the Veterans out there- but I would especially like to thank those in my life currently serving- Especially my husband, my brother, and my two brother in laws! I love you all!!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Where to Start?

Life sure does throw curve balls. I'll start with the good :) I got to see Jeff for 5 wonderful days last week. It couldn't have come at a better time (you will learn as you read on). I have missed him so much, and it was wonderful to be with him. I smiled like I haven't smiled in a long time. Having him hold me in his arms was perfect. I just wish that we could have been together as a whole family (with Sqworms). That would have made everything wonderful, but in a few months we will get the opportunity to be together as a family.


We spent our time in FL and it was wonderful! We only played on the beach one day because it rained the rest of the time, but that didn't matter to me. I loved our time on the beach as much as I loved the day we spent snuggled up on the couch watching Myth Busters and NCIS on tv. I couldn't have asked for ANYTHING but being with my husband. This trip was much needed, but the wednesday before I was to leave, it became even more in need. My grandma was rushed to the hospital with very, very low blood pressure. They put her on medications to sustain her until my Aunt from California could arrive the next night. I spent the next 4 days at the hospital by my Grandma's bedside. Then I left and spent the next five days with Jeff, being comforted during this time of sorrow. When I got back Friday, I spent a few hours at the hospital (unable to stay long because my grandma was very near the end and it was to hard to see her like that). That night I got the call saying that my Grandma had gone to be with Heavenly Father and my Grandpa.
My grandma was the most wonderful woman in my life. My father was a single parent for most of my life, and my Grams was the one who helped raise me. She was the kindest woman I know, and I have millions of fond memories of her. Thats the woman I want to remember; the strong, confident, beautiful, kind and loving woman in my life who was more of a mother to me than the woman who birthed me. She is going to be greatly missed and I love her more than words can ever explain. Audrey Jane was a woman who left an imprint on many lives, especially mine.
*I love you Grams*

Friday, November 5, 2010

IM BAAACK!!!

And missing him so much already!!!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

People...

...I try to see the good in them, but some people make it so darn hard!

Lacking Inspiration

When your life doesn't change much from day to day, there isn't much to blog about. Its the same thing--school, work, being a mom--day in and day out.

I get to go see Jeff next week, so when I come back there will be pictures to post. Hopefully that will give you all something to look forward to since I've been slacking lately!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Everybody needs a good friend...

..to get them through a deployment!

*both of these boys have daddy's deployed (hence their daddy dolls)* And yes, my child is the cutie sticking out his tongue :) I'm such a proud momma!!!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I will be...

HERE! in 2 weeks :)

and the best part..is that i will be THERE with my husband :)

Friday, October 15, 2010

I got it!!!!

Well. I used to be a nurse's aid in the ICU and now I am an aid in the NICU/peds unit!!!! This is where I see myself as a nurse, so the fact I got this job is a HUGE step in the right direction! YAY!!!

Thanks for all the good luck wishes!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Its Days like this...

..when I wish Jeff was home.

I have an interview today. For a job that can be the first step in landing me my DREAM JOB when I am a nurse. I am sooooo excited. And of course, after the interview, the first thing I will want to do, will be to run home to Jeff and sit down with him and tell him ALLLLL about it.

But sadly I can't. So of course, the first thing I will do will be to...RUN to my car, and CALL him, and sit there in the parking lot and tell him all about it.

WISH ME LUCK!!!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Life Gets Away..

Wow.
Things are so incredibly BUSY! But..as much as it may stress me out sometimes, I like it..because it helps the time FLY !!!! I am 2 months into this deployment. And haven't had any complete and absolute total breakdowns..just a couple mini ones ;)

School is in FULL Swing..and I'm actually about halfway through my semester. I'm holding strong! I am really proud of myself, its actually been my best semester so far :) And Sunday I FINALLY felt like a real nurse...and I put an IV in :) It was totally awesome to feel confident with my skills! Definitely a good booster after a really rough week.

I'm back at work now, its been about 3 weeks, and BOY did I miss that place (in some ways). It gets completely hectic in the ICU and some people wig out, but I love the fast pace..I work about 1 day a week (12 hours) and it is just ANOTHER thing that helps me get through the days. I also love that I now know sooo much more due to school, and I feel really good knowing whats going on with the patient and seeing the whole picture.

Other news, I'm moving. My in laws spend so much time helping me with Cain while I'm in school, so I spend a lot of time driving back and forth, and since I have clinicals so early in the mornings on the weekends, I sleep there 3-4 nights a week anyways...So..I'm moving in with them! It will save me a lot of money and be easier on all of us. I think that it will be easier on Cain to not go back and forth so much, because it really makes it hard on his schedule and he really enjoys seeing Nana and Pappy. I hope its what is best for us, I feel that right now it is.

Other than that there isn't to much going on..Just making it through one day at a time! I do get to go see Jeff in a few weeks for 4 days. And we are going to be living it up on the beach!!! I am sooooooooooooooooooooo looking forward to that!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

*Funk*

BLAH. Sorry for the lack of updates, I am currently without internet... :(

The last couple weeks have been pretty rough...but this weekend was the worst.
My one year anniversary was Sunday. And Jeff had been told he could call me, even though his unit is currently on "no communication" because of training...So, even though we couldn't be together, I was looking forward to my call...

Guess what. Sunday came and went without a phone call.
Needless to say, I cried myself to sleep that night.

And I have been in quite the funk ever since..

Hopefully things will turn around.

Will try and blog more later..

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Uh Oh...

I made a big mistake tonight. And its entirely my fault.

Jeff and I got into an arguement..because I'm completely stressed, emotional and tired.
I feel like a big pile of steaming poop about it too :(

I'm still working on how to mask my stress when he and I get to talk, or even in general...but when the pills start piling up on the desk, and school turns my life into chaos, and the fact that I just started working again begins to stress me out...I haven't quite determined how to deal with it. You would think that I should be good at this by now, since I've spent nearly this entire year alone..but it is still hard. It doesn't get easier.

When the days are sucky, sometimes all I need is a big hug from the one person who can make it all better...but it just so happens, that person is Jeff. and I will be waiting for that hug for a while.

I don't mean to have a downer post like this, I had all kinds of good posts planned...but I'm just really feeling crappy tonight. I hate that he and I got in a fight, I hate that it happened while the baby was screaming, which added to the tension, I hate that I'm as stressed out as I am..

I know that one of the reasons I'm as stressed as I am, is because school literally consumes my life this week with training I have to accomplish the next two days before I can do clinicals at the University hospital here...pointless computer training, which takes up two whole days of my life that i NEED to spend doing more important things.. UGH

All I want is a big bowl of ice cream to make me feel better, but i'm trying to lose the baby weight (plus extra)..and that isn't going well either...which stresses me out more. UGH

Well, I should just call it a night since I have to have Sqworms to the sitter by 7:30 am...means I won't be getting much sleep tonight :(...

I promise I'll have more upbeat posts for the rest of the week...

yup!



Today we remember to live and to love.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Weakness...

So I have a big weakness.

Target.

Today I went in there on a mission. Hangers and Canning Jars. Plain and simple.

I left with baby clothes, new winter boots, hangers, canning jars and some other essential organizational items...

I CAN NOT just walk into that store and get the "few" things in my list. I always end up walking out with more than what I needed... Target is like my drug..man..I have to learn to stay away from there!

What are some of your weaknesses?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

So, I got used to the fact that my "romantic date" on my 1 year anniversary, was going to be over the phone. I was ok with that. I had come to terms with it.

Then.

Tonight I was informed that I'll be pretty damn lucky if I even GET a phone call.

SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

URRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH.
The soldiers won't have their phones while they are at their next destination for training and there is a SMALL chance he will be able to use a calling card and call me for a few minutes...

I am not pleased.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Nerd-ville

I love learning.
Call me a nerd.

My clinical rotations this semester are at our University Hospital and they seem like they are going to ROCK!!!!

My first rotation is on an organ transplant/bariatric (heavier people) unit! CAN WE SAY AWESOME-NESS!?!?!

My 2nd rotation is on an oncology (cancer) unit.

I am unbelievably, super duper EXCITED!!!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Motherhood

This post is going to be pretty personal. Its not something I talk about with a lot of people and only my close friends and mother in law know how I feel (and Jeff of course).

My mom ran out on my dad, brother, and I when I was 4ish..(maybe 5?) I was young, lets leave it at that. She ran off, and was hardly in contact with us. I think that I could count the number of times I've seen her since, on both of my hands. She couldn't handle the pressures of being young (about 21-23 ish), alone with two small children, while my dad was deployed (he served in Desert Storm). She got into some bad habits, and in the end, decided that a family life just wasn't for her. Now, even though I was so young and have lived my whole life without a mother figure (my stepmom really can't count for "motherly") I'm still not used to the fact that I didn't have a woman's influence on my life. And it hurts. It shouldn't, but it does.

Now that I am a mother myself, and find myself in a very similar situation..nearly the exact same one...I'm 22, alone with one small child, and my husband is deployed- It bugs me. I have vowed my entire life to never be like my mother, and here I am, practically living the same life she did at this age. However, one big difference, I know better.

I have the biggest fear of being like her. Its the one thing that I want to avoid in this life. I don't ever want my child to feel unwanted, or to go a day of his life questioning whether he is loved. I want him to have both of his parents to turn to, and to have a house of happiness.

Because of this, I have a hard time accepting help with him. My In-Laws have been wonderful and have offered COUNTLESS times to watch him over night, to keep him for an evening so I can study, to watch him for an extra hour so I can nap, etc etc. But I just have a hard time saying "Yes". I feel that if I allow this, if I give up anytime with my son, then I am becoming the woman my mother is. I don't want to miss a minute of his life and I don't ever want him to think "where was mom for that" or "I wish my mom had been there".

A lot of these emotions have come up recently since Jeff left. The stress of caring for a two month old, going to school, having your husband away for the next year, and preparing to go back to work...is a lot. Now, don't get my wrong, I am in NO WAY complaining (except about the part where Jeff is gone!) But, it does wear on you.

I know that I will never be my mother, but I want so BADLY to prove to everybody that I can be a good mom.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

M-I-L

Today I had lab from 8-12. And when I got home, I got to take a 2.5 hour nap. Props to my Mother In Law for watching the baby a little longer! YAY!!!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

oh!!

Here is a picture of my cutie to start the post off :) He was in the middle of talking with Nana..
2 1/2 weeks into this deployment. OH! It is going far to slow! However..good news, in 2 months I get to be with Jeff for 4 days :)


I did the math. Our first anniversary is Sept 26. :) We will have spent 4 1/2 months of our marriage together. Yea, that blows. He will spend our 1st anniversary training, I will spend it in clinicals. :( However, even though I've barely spent ANY of my marriage with my husband, its been a wonderful year with him and I'm so glad he is the one I get to spend all eternity with :)


In other news...School started back up. My two weeks off FLEW by..I can't even believe how fast it went..I didn't get to do HALF of what I wanted to do.. *sigh* I guess there is always winter break..which is a WHOLE 3-4 weeks :) This semester is already overwhelming and we've only had one night of class! BUT- I did get ahead already :) I'm getting pretty darn good at getting things done while sqworms is sleeping!
Sooooo...I'm absolutely nuts. I love my little man so much and he has been such a GOOD baby!! Seriously, I'm a lucky gal. Well, my friend just had a little girl, and now...I've got the fever! BABY FEVER! haha. Not really, but man, that day I was like "sqworms needs a sibling!!!"
I guess I should explain--sqworms. Its Cain's nickname. He. Is. Constantly. Moving. He is a mover and a groover! So one day Jeff goes, "He will be called sqworms...SQ-WORMS!" So now he is Sqworms or, as Jeff calls him, Sqwormatron. :) Poor kid. lol

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Vent.

Not a good week.

1) I miss jeff so much
2) I am losing faith in the human race.
3) I'm tired of putting on my "happy" face..and then having a breakdown at night when nobody is looking.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Goodbyes and Keeping Busy

I AM SO SO SO SORRY that it took me so long to get back on here. I was really sick last week (I took my final with a temp of 101.4 and the temp peaked at 103 that night)..I took all of last week to get better and take care of other things that I needed to accomplish. SO now, its time to tell you about two of the hardest days of my life!

We had a send off for 2 companies here in town last Sunday. The send offs were wonderful and really honored our soldiers and it was wonderful to see so many people there supporting our troops and loved ones. It means a lot to know that so much of the community is behind these men and women! I didn't have a hard time at Sunday's send off because I knew that I didn't have to say my goodbye until the next day, however, when the buses drove by, lead by 2 fire trucks and a whole bunch of motorcycles, I lost it. There were so many crying wives and children around me, and I realized that Jeff wasn't coming home at the end of the day. He won't be home until his mid tour leave (if they are allowed one--there are rumors circling that they may not get one)..

Then that night we were able to spend the evening together in Des Moines...and then it was Monday. D-day as I called it..I knew as soon as I woke up it was going to be a hard day, harder than I could imagine. I woke up and it felt like I had a rock in my stomach, I just felt sick knowing what was ahead..Jeff and I got ready in silence, partly because neither of us wanted to cry, and because we both were trying to keep it together for the other..

Monday's send off was just as wonderful as Sunday's. Once again I swelled with pride for my husband and to see how many people from the community came out to see the soldiers. After the send off, we had 1 hour with our loved ones before they had to load the buses and head to Mississippi. That hour was way to short. When Jeff loaded the bus, my heart ached. I couldn't believe that I had just had my last hug and kiss for who knows how long..I know that a year isn't much compared to what others go through with loved ones gone, but I just couldn't believe that he walked onto that bus and I was going home to an empty house..

The past week has been an intersting one. Between being sick and missing Jeff, and trying to keep myself occupied. I do really well during the day. I keep busy enough that I don't have time to think about much, but at night, thats when it hits me. I am lonely without Jeff here. He isn't just my husband, he is my best friend. So with him gone, not only do I not have my husband to turn to, but I also don't have my best friend..

In attempts to stay busy, I have rearranged the house (i love it! makes it look much larger! and cleaner) and I have been hanging out with friends and of course my little munchkin Cain. I start school next week, and work 2 weeks after that, so soon I will be EVEN busier and I'm hoping that will help the next year just absolutely FLY by!!

Well, its time to get little mister off to bed!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Here's to the next 365 days!

Well, this weekend I had 2 send off ceremonies for Jeff and some of the other Iowa soldiers who are deploying...sadly, I have a 101.4 temp today, so I am not up to writing all about my weekend, so I will get to that later this week! PROMISE. But in the mean time...here is a little teaser of the weekend!



My baby boy watching his daddy!!

Just a FEW of the wonderful Iowa soldiers who are deploying!

Love my family!!!

Jeff tried packing Cain!!!



Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Your Lucky! Two posts in one day...

So you often see pictures of blogs where there is a picture of the soldiers boots and the females flip flops or high heels. I adore those pictures. Absolutely love them. And I have taken some pictures like that. But I wanted to try something a little different.. So this is what I came up with!


sorry!

SOOOOO sorry for the lack in posting. The past couple weeks have been Jeff and I trying to cram every minute of quality time together when we aren't in school or working, so I haven't had much time to blog..

Deployment is in 6 days... :/
Not sure if I will have time to blog before then since we have a pretty busy week ahead of us..but I will be back in 6 days for sure!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Love/Hate Relationship...

Well, the semester ends in 14 days. And I love this fact. And I hate it.

Lets start with the reason I hate it, because thats the reason I don't want to dwell on for to long, there are other reasons for this blog post. I HATE HATE HATE that the semester is ending, because with the end of the semester, comes the deployment :( Jeff and I have to say our dreaded "goodbye for now" the day before I take my final. Talk about crappy timing right!? Nothing like being emotional drained from saying goodbye to the love of your life, and then having to go take a stupid final! CRAP!

Anyways, enough of the sad..Time to start focusing on the good! Otherwise the next year is going to be a really dark and depressing time. So here are the reasons I LOVE that the semester is ending!

1) it sucked. really really bad.
2) I get 2 weeks with NO SCHOOL and NO WORK!
3) I plan on working hard on Jeff's military scrapbook and Cain's baby scrapbook :)
4) I want to read 2 books. (Not sure which 2 yet)
5) I get to see a friend in Illinois who I haven't seen since my wedding (almost a year)
6) I get to see a friend who I haven't seen for a couple months!
7) most importantly, I get to spend everyday with my sweet little baby without having to take him to the babysitter or worry about schoolwork. We get to just spend quality time together :)

Needless to say, my break before fall semester starts, is going to be just the distraction ( i hope) from the fact that my family will be missing a very important member!

Always,
Jen

Friday, July 23, 2010

Here's something new! Milspouse Friday Fill-In

I'm trying to get better at blogging, and by doing that, I am going to participate in something I've seen a lot of the fellow Milspouses do on their blogs...so here we go!

1. Besides the horizontal mambo, what do you miss most when your spouse is deployed?

Well, I haven't had a deployment yet...that happens in 16 days :( But when he was at BCT and AIT I missed EVERYTHING. I missed our late night talks while laying in bed, I miss being silly with him, I missed the fact he ALWAYS knows how to calm me down when I'm stressed, and I most certainly missed his hugs..

2. What do you miss least?

Well, since there wasn't anything that I really didn't miss..I'll pick something lame. I didn't miss him nagging me about squeezing the toothpaste in the middle ;)

3. You only get three crayons to finish your picture...which three do you choose and why?

I choose ORANGE, LIME GREEN and YELLOW. I love everything vibrant and bold.

4. If you could have your own fragrance, what would it be called?

This is tough... I think I would want something like "Free"...I'm all about being a free spirit..

5. If the shoes make the man (or woman), what do your shoes say about you right now?

I'm not wearing shoes, which I think goes with the whole "free spirit" thing..and it says that its to freaking hotttttttt to wear shoes!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Rambling on...

Well, sorry it has been so long since I blogged...Hopefully you all aren't losing interest in my blog..I promise to do better! There just isn't much new here these days right now...in about 3 weeks that will change..

Little mister is growing like a weed- I can't believe that on Friday he will be 1 month old already! that just blows my mind!! Its amazing how much you adapt and life changes when you become a mom. I now do a lot more things one handed since little mister is a snuggler. Even taking a trip to the grocery store is a new experience...everything is different, but not in a bad way. He is starting to "coo" quite a bit now, and I just love it. He is so curious and is always bright eyed and looking around, taking in everything he sees. I think he's going to be an adventurous boy when he's older....

Otherwise not much is new, just working towards the end of the semester...I take my final the day after Jeff leaves...talk about emotional stress overload! This semester has been especially hard for many reasons. 1) its summer and they always move QUICKLY! 2) I had a baby in the middle of the semester 3) The material is way more challenging 4) the staff hasn't been the best 5) I'm not emotionally 100% like I should be!

I'm still working on coming to terms with how I'm going to do all this while Jeff is gone, but he has reassured me multiple times it will all be ok..He is just so sweet <3

I guess the only other remotely new thing is that I have everything all set, and I go back to work right after Labor Day..That gives me and the little one about 4 weeks to get settled and adjust to not having Jeff around before I add even more to our lives and head back to work! I definitely miss my co-workers, but I remember how stressful work can get..and I don't miss that part! But it will be another thing to keep me busy and distracted while my honey is gone!!

Love,
Jen

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Day 4- Favorite Book

I thought I would start with a cute picture :)

My favorite book...well, I happen to love Harry Potter books. All of them! But my favorite is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Yup :)

I also want to say HELLO HELLO to my newest followers :) I'm so glad to have some of the fellow army wives on here for support!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Family Time...








Life isn't always easy, but it sure is beautiful!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Struggling

One Month.
Thats all the time left until Jeff leaves for his deployment. And its consuming me. All I can think about is how I want to spend every second of every day with him, but thats impossible when he is working 6:30-5 Tuesday through Friday, and I am spending my weekends at clinicals from 7-3:30. I feel like I'm wasting all this time that I should be spending with him and with Cain.

Its been really hard for me to handle actually. I sit and think about all the hours in the next month that I'm spending away from my husband. And then I try and take the positive spin and think about how worth it all of this will be a year from now. A Year from now when Jeff will be home from deployment, I will be done with nursing school, and our life can finally "begin".

But in the meantime, I'm consumed with trying to wrap my brain around "How am I going to do this!?" I am not 100% dependent on Jeff, but I do rely on him a lot. Simple things that he takes care of around the house make all the difference, and when he walks in the door and smiles at me, or hugs me, or when we are holding hands and he'll just squeeze my hand for no reason at all...I rely on those things. And I won't get those things while he is gone. And I don't know how I'll manage without them. For crying out loud, I could barely handle the 17 weeks he was away for BCT and AIT...but 52 weeks?! Seriously? I may just lose my sanity.

I suppose I'll probably spend more of my time writing down my feelings, documenting this experience. I'll write him everyday, and sleep with my phone by my head again, on the loudest ring possible. I finally just got used to putting my phone away at night, because he is here, and now I will have to go back to that constant state of anxiety and paranoia about missing any message or phone call from him. *sigh* oh the life of an army wife.

I know, that at the end of this year, I will be a much stronger person, and my relationships strength will have increased immensely, but knowing that doesn't always make the struggles easier. I also know that Heavenly Father wouldn't deal me more than I can handle, so I just need to continue to put my faith in knowing that I CAN DO THIS--or else He wouldn't have dealt me this experience.

"Sometimes you have to be away from the people you love. This doesnt make you love them less, sometimes it makes you love them more"

Friday, July 2, 2010

Making my Return!

AH! I have seriously slacked in the blogging world!!! I have so many blogs to catch up and read! I have missed you all! AND HELLO HELLO to my new followers :)

Where should I start?! Motherhood...wonderful! My precious little man is just so wonderful! I can't even describe it :) I'm very grateful for this little blessing in my life. And I have truely enjoyed watching Jeff interact with his son..I can tell you, there is no greater feeling than sitting on the couch next to Jeff admiring our son :) I'm going to really miss that while Jeff is deployed :/

Between diaper changes, feedings, burpings and being a "housewife" I'm still working hard at my nursing classes! I went to clinicals less than 72 hours after delivering! WHOA! Talk about pure exhaustion at the end of that weekend...I've been tired before, but that was a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!! I'm really enjoying what I'm learning right now (coincidently its been the unit about care of a pregnant woman and newborn!) and I love learning new skills at the hospital each weekend for clinicals!

This weekend we are off to St Louis to see all the family and have little man's baby blessing!! Hoping its a smooth weekend and that everybody can get along!

Well, life calls! Back to my duties!
*Jen

Friday, June 25, 2010

7lb 13 oz 20 in of pure happiness

have you seen anything cuter?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Day 3, Disgruntled Nursing Student, Bird Business

Day 3: Favorite Television Program....I hate to admit this, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE all of the "Real Housewives" Shows...Orange County, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey. I love them all. I think that they make me feel better about my life. Plus its just a tv show I sit and watch and don't have to use my brain for at all (it might even be hurting my brain)...but either way, I love them :)



Alright, I need to vent. I mean, what is a blog for afterall, right!?



I am a nursing student. In my 2nd semester (I have 3 left after this one). I have about 20 kids in the class with me (3 boys, the rest are girls). Most of which work in the healthcare field already, and even if they don't, we have all done clinicals from last semester. We were in the nursing home. I need to start by saying...nursing--when you think of that, what comes to mind? The human body? Dealing with patients?



YES! THATS BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE DO! We deal with the human body...including their eyes, ears, heart, lungs, butt, and genitals, all the way down to their toes. However, you would think that some of the people in my class, didn't know that. They sit and giggle at pictures of the genitals. I just have to vent my frustration with this. GROW UP. We have all seen either a vagina or penis. We either have one, or we've seen them from being married, or from the patient care that we have done at clinicals or our jobs (for those of us who DO work in a health care setting). However, those people...even though they've all seen genitals before, they sit and giggle. REALLY? (the best part is that the class age ranges from 21-40ish...and its not just the young ones giggling).



Second frustration right now is that we just finished our Pregnancy/Labor and Delivery/Post Partum care unit. Since I am the girl who is pregnant in class, it was like I was the FREAK show in class. We watched a video about birth, and nearly every eye was on me instead of on the screen..simply waiting to see how I would react...well, I don't like all eyes on me, its hot outside and I'm 9 months pregnant, so I got all hot and sweaty and you could physically see the sweat on my brow, and of course people had to call attention to that. Yes, I know that delivering a child is going to be uncomfortable, but...so worth it. But thanks for pointing out all the parts that are going to suck- gosh I love my classmates.

Thirdly, the inappropriate comments that came along with the Labor and Delivery unit..There is a lot of touching and pushing that the dr has to do on female parts...and a guy in my class, (who thinks its ok to say this stuff because he is homosexual) asked me if he could massage my fundus (which involves putting a hand in your private parts and pushing on your abdomen from there and from the outside)....Excuse me, but I DONT APPRECIATE you talking to me like that, and when I ask you to not, please don't feel like you can call me a B*tch. Pretty positive if my husband knew you were saying things such as that to me, he'd be through the roof with anger.

Ok. Enough ranting about nursing school. I just can NOT believe the people in my class. There is so much more that I could go on about from individual events, but I'll spare you from having to read that.

In a kind of humorous story (At least it was to me while I was viewing it)...I have a screened in porch, and yesterday I noticed there was a bird in there, flying from panel to panel...I have NO CLUE where he got in...there might be a hole in the screen somewhere (it was a small bird)..so I opened the door hoping he would fly right out...NO!!! the crazy bird took like 2 hours to realize the door was open and he was FREE!!! Goofy thing!

Alright, off to enjoy my Friday! Happy Due Date to me!!!! No baby yet!

*Jen

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Day 2: Favorite Movie

Day 2: My favorite Movie...

This...is tough.
I love A Walk to Remember, Lion King, Butterfly Effect and all of the Harry Potter movies...yes, I am cool like that :)

This week has been...interesting. My husband continues to grow and be more and more amazing and I couldn't askf or anything better...

I've got some exciting news, but I'm trying to stay calm, and get a few things in the works before I announce it all!!!

Well, nursing school duties call, and I have a rather large test tomorrow that I should continue studying for!!!

P.s--obviously no baby yet! I'll let you know when it happens!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Jumping on the Bandwagon...30 days of me

Well, I have been considering doing this, and today I saw my good friend is doing it on her blog...so here we go!

30 days of me!

Day 1: your favorite song
Day 2: Your favorite movie
Day 3: your favorite television program
Day 4: Your favorite book
Day 5: your favorite quote
Day 6: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 7: a photo that makes you happy
Day 8: a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9: a photo you took
Day 10: a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11: a photo of you taken recently
Day 12: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13: a fictional book
Day 14: a non fictional book
Day 15: a fanfic
Day 16: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17: an art piece
Day 18: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19: a talent of yours
Day 20: a hobby of yours
Day 21: a recipe
Day 22: a website
Day 23: a YouTube video
Day 24: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25: your day, in great detail
Day 26: Your week, in great detail
Day 27: this month, in great detail
Day 28: this year, in great detail
Day 29: hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: whatever tickles your fancy

*I'm going to just point out, that I am due ANY day now, so I may not get these all done in 365 consecutive days, since while I'm in the hospital I won't be blogging!!!!*

Day 1: Favorite Song.
Obviously, my wedding song. The song that Jeff and I danced to as man and wife for the first time...It's been one of our favorites, and we've danced to it many times, but my favorite was obviously at our wedding...

One Boy, One Girl by Collin Raye

Saturday, June 12, 2010

*insert creative title here*

*sigh*

I'm not the most creative blogger, but I do like to write here to get things off my mind, to vent, to let people know how awesome Jeff is, etc etc. I've stumbled across some really great blogs in the past couple days, and am looking forward to getting more into the swing of blogging.

Jeff has been gone for 6 days now. 6 days down, 17ish left to go. Hopefully we'll get a couple days together in the next week or so when Jeff *hopefully* gets to come home for the birth of our son. I'm getting pretty anxious for our baby to show up, not only because I'm ready to meet the little guy, but also because I'm ready to see Jeff again!!! DOUBLE AWESOME!!

Today I had a friend over for lunch, it was nice to cook for somebody. Thats one of the things I really really miss while Jeff is away. I miss cooking dinner for him, or having dinner waiting in the crockpot for him if I was away at work when he wanted to eat. *he got kind of spoiled*. But seriously, call me old fashioned, but having dinner ready for Jeff was one of the little pleasures in my life. And often times on the weekend, he would help me get dinner ready. We are so ridiculous together in the kitchen--I like to tidy as I go, and keep everything neat and clean, he...does not. AT ALL. I love the silly times we've had just getting dinner ready. Simple things like that are whats most important in your relationship--knowing how blissfully happy you can be just while preparing a meal <3

I better start planning my menus for when he is home, because I've only got the month of July to awe him with my cooking skills before he is off to the sandbox. *sigh*

Friday, June 11, 2010

Dear Nursing School...

...Thank you for taking away my sanity and my social life.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

*Complaining*

Disclaimer: This is not an upbeat post.

Sometimes, I just want to scream because I'm so frustrated/angry/sad. And then I don't scream, instead I just sit there and cry, and let it out. Tonight, is one of those nights.

I miss my husband every second he is away from me. It physically hurts. I know that there are tons of women who go through the same things as me...its "the joys of being an army wife" as people put it...except we all know its not always to "joyful." I want to scream that he is probably going to miss the birth of our first child, I want to yell at whoever decided to make his training fall over my due date. I want to be angry at everybody because I am so sad. And then I get upset, because I can't even really discuss my feelings, because it just makes him feel bad--and I don't want to do that, because I know how upset he is for having to miss these things.

I hate this stupid war. (Don't get me wrong--I support our troops) I hate that so many of our men and women have to be away from their families. I hate that for the next year Jeff is going to be away from me and our son, and that we are going to miss milestones that SHOULD be spent as a family.

I support Jeff 100%. But sometimes, when I'm in moods like this, I'm so ANGRY at him. For deciding to take this path, to choose this life. I just want to be selfish and have him home with me all the time.

GRRRR.

Ok, I seriously need to stop, or I'll just go on and on and on and on. And we all know that it sucks reading posts like this, but I just need to get it off my chest.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Well, after just 3 short weeks home following his BCT and AIT graduation...Jeff is off to more training. His pre-deployment training. He will be gone for the next 3 weeks...which happens to fall over my due date. So he'll have to try and rush home to make it in time for the birth when the time finally arrives (I'm due June 18...so it really can happen anytime now.) He'll be gone until the end of June...And then only will be home for a month following that...

In August, the true test begins, when Jeff leaves for his deployment. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it, but I know I'll try and be as strong as possible for Jeff and for our son!

Anyways, Jeff and I spent the last 3 weeks having as much fun as we possibly could (it is Iowa). No matter what we are doing, whether it being buying a medium pizza and going on a picnic, or eating at a fancy restaurant, we always enjoy each others company :) He's my best friend!!!

And for your viewing pleasure...a picture of my handsome husband and myself...our last picture with me being pregnant (since next time I see him it'll be when I'm having our baby!!!)


Thursday, June 3, 2010

The waiting game....

I'm 2 weeks away from my due date, and super anxious...but NOTHING is happening!!!

I think i'm being taught the virtue of patience...

I'll keep you updated!!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

"Youth is often wasted on the Young"

I've heard my father in law say this before, "Youth is often wasted on the Young"... and although I am still considered to be young (I am only 22), I have to agree with this statement.

I'm not going to comment on all the other "young" folks out there who are wasting their "youth" but instead, I was doing some reflecting on my own life and how I didn't appreciate the times I've had when I was younger...

I've had a pretty good life. Its been difficult- don't get me wrong- I've had my trials, and my ups and downs, my heartache, and my fears...but overall, I can say I've generally had a good life. I reflect back on all the laughs I've had, all of the silly and crazy nights, and just the fact that most of my memories come with me smiling in them. I'm grateful for this now, even if I may not have appreciated it in the past.

While avoiding preparing for class tonight, I was reflecting on my relationships..with family, friends, and my husband (who I've known since the nice young age of 16). And I wanted to share with you some of the memories that I may have "wasted" the opportunity to appreciate.

One of my most fond memories with my family is when we went to Six Flags St Louis when I was still in middle school. It was my dad, stepmom, brother, grandma, aunt, uncle and two of their kids. So there was quite a group of us...and we all crammed into a Chevy Blazer. It was
a cramped ride. Once we got there, we were able to get a couple rides in, before it started to POUR. I'm talking torrential rain...so we went to the nearest gift shop, bought ponchos, and hopped onto all of the water rides at least once. We figured we were going to get soaked from the rain, we might as well get a few rides in. Afterwards, we decided to head to Hannibal MO and check out the Mark Twain Caves..So all of us, (soaking wet) crammed back into the vehicle, and drove to the caves. This may not sound like much of a memory, or a trip, and I may not have appreciated it much at the time, but it was just a great trip. Despite things not going to plan, and not being able to spend the whole day at the amusement park, we had some good laughs and enjoyed ourselves..and didn't let the weather dampen our spirits!!!

Another memory that I have, that may not mean much to other people, but it just reminds me of how beautiful being young is...is from highschool, with my friends. We had just graduated, and I was waitressing at Country Kitchen, a little diner. One night my friends all surprised me and stopped in when I was extremely BORED and had nothing to do...We all at around and talked, and put about $10 worth of quarters into the toy machines getting bracelets, tattoos, and other random toys that were available to us... This didn't mean much at the time, but to be 18 years old, hanging out with friends, and not having a care in the world except spending that last summer together...THAT was beautiful.

And finally, memories with my husband..these may be the most sweet to reflect upon...Here we are now, about to become "mommy and daddy", a deployment looming in our near future, and trying to accomplish all of our goals while standing firm by each other... I may get the most "emotional" while thinking about the past memories I have with Jeff... One that particularly came to mind today..He had just graduated highschool that night, we went to hyvee- bought a gallon of ice cream, 2 nylon spoons, and we sat on the hood of his vehicle and just ate the ice cream and talked. *Sigh* the simple life.

So yes, "youth" may be WASTED on the young...but not if we let it be that way. I am going to make it a personal goal to cherish every moment as it comes. I will enjoy every Sunday that I get to attend church with Jeff, I will enjoy all of my memories from nursing school, I will cherish the moments that I will get to watch my son grow (and probably laugh a lot when he proves to be JUST LIKE HIS DAD!)...

I'm glad that I've heard my father in law make this statement...so that I can really reflect on how amazing my past was, and make sure that I don't make the mistake of wasting my future...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

question

I have been thinking about this the past couple days...

Is there a difference between saying how you feel to somebody's face, and having it be hurtful and saying how you feel on a blog and having it be hurtful just the same?

Is one better than the other?

Tell me what you think!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Almost there...


I am one week away from Jeff graduating AIT and coming home to me :)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Saturday's Secret...

I think every Saturday I will share an unknown fact or secret about me...

*Even though I am pregnant, I get jealous when I see people with babies*

Explanation: I think I am just so anxious to meet my son, that I get jealous of the people who already got to meet theirs!!!

I know its silly, but we can't always explain our emotions can we?

Thursday, April 15, 2010

I'm back!!!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...Life has been pretty hectic!!!

Updates:
I went and saw Jeff again over Easter weekend. It was hard for us because we had to come to terms with the fact that the Army controlled when we got to see each other and how we were able to spend that time.

He graduates AIT in 4 weeks though :) And that is sooooooo stinking exciting because I am SO SO SO ready for him to be home. We've started a list of things we want to do together. First being ZIO JOHNOS!!! ( a local italian restaurant that is DELICIOUS for those of you who don't know what Zio's is!) The first weekend he is home, we are going to order the family meal, bring it home, sit on our couch, and watch movies...one of our favorite traditions!! We've got quite the list started already, and I'm sure we'll keep adding to it.

9 weeks until our son is due! WHOLEY EXCITEMENT!!!! Jeff and I are thrilled. We can't wait for our bundle of joy to arrive (well, we can and we can't! We will miss our time as a couple alone!) But we are so excited to meet this beautiful child that we created and that we will both love immensely :)

School : Finally finally finally is coming together! Unfortunately its just under 4 weeks until I amd one with the semester- so It took a while for me to get into the groove of nursing school! My finals is the same week I go to get Jeff from AIT, and then I get a 2 week break before the next semester starts! But I'm happy to finally be getting the hang of it :)

But other than that, there isn't much going on in the lives of Jeff and I. Just Army, Nursing School, and Baby. thats what our lives consist of now!!!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Somebody to Lean On...

I am very fortunate to have the people in my life that I do. I may not have many close friends, but I have the few that mean so much and are there during the hardest of times. These are the people that I can cry to, vent to, laugh with, and just depend on. They are sympathetic in my times of need and let me cry.

Then, I have Jeff :) He lets me cry, but then tells me its time to buck up and take action.. And believe it or not, this is EXACTLY what I need. Otherwise, if given the chance, I may spiral and stay mopey for way longer than necessary. Its crazy to think that I had forgotten this about him in the last 10 weeks. He'll let me explain what is bothering me, and let me cry, and laugh, and vent. And then he's like "ok..here are your choices...you can do this, this, this, or this...but if you have a better idea, let me know and we can weigh our options." He'll exhaust all of his resources to help solve problems that we have, or that even I just have. I will admit, that used to drive me up a wall. I just wanted him to hug me and let me sulk, for as long as I needed. But now I love his swift kick in the butt to get things taken care of :)

*peace and love,
Jen

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Motivation...

well, my motivation was nowhere to be found yesterday! it was so sunny and nice out! And now that today is cloudy and crappy, I have no problem getting my butt into gear and getting stuff taken care of....

Friday, March 26, 2010

For Your Viewing Pleasure....

Yes. The day that we all have anxiously been waiting for FINALLY arrived. My husband graduated BCT. It was the first time I had seen him since January and it was everything from happy, to weird, to overwhelming...every emotion you could think of. He is a new person (in some aspects) and that is not a bad thing...it'll just take this girl some getting used to!!! He picked up some funny habits from his battle buddies in BCT and they formed a lot of inside jokes that he'll whip out and I just look at him like...UH??? All in all, he is the most amazing person and I am so proud of all he accomplished the last 10 weeks... p.s- watching him shovel his food down at Ryans was hilarious...we told him that he wasn't being timed but he just was so used to Eat Fast or Go Hungry!

Here are just a few of my favorite pictures from the first two days of the trip..


Jeff with his Drill Sargeants WILD DAWGS was his platoons nickname :) They are some WILD DAWGS too!!!
During Graduation...(he's the one in the middle)


Battle buddy!!! Those two were a hoot together... "Guy, come on...seriously guy"


First hug and kiss in 2 1/2 months...needless to say..it was perfect.
I'll get to spend part of the day with him tomorrow and then its back to good ole Iowa. It'll be a tearful trip back on Sunday. But I did reserve a hotel on post for next weekend and will get some time with him.
New Countdown: Jeff comes home in 51 days :) :) :) :)
*Peace and Love
Jen



Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Perfection...6 years later











Baby just look at us

all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist between a

Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess

People said it would never work out

But living dreams, we shattered all doubts

Feels good to prove 'em wrong

Livin' our love song

Darling, when you look at me

With my heart beatin' fast, and my shaky knees

It's pretty hard to believe
After all these years, I still need you this badly



Today is the big day!!!!!!!!! I leave to go see Jeff!!!!!! He graduates BCT tomorrow morning at 9 AM!!!!! I'm officially GEEKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeff and I have been through a lot the last 6 years...more than a lot of couples endure...family issues, personal issues, questioning whether we were to young to know whether we belonged together, depression, crazy wedding plans, getting pregnant WAY to soon, and now being apart during our marriage...but you know what, it's really made us stronger and really made us appreciate this amazing and beautiful love that we have. I consider myself the luckiest girl in the world to have him next to me in this life :) We were truely saved for each other <3>

Monday, March 22, 2010

Packing...

Am I the only one that when going out of town for 4 days...packs 10 outfits and 6 pairs of shoes?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Nothing Special...

Today has been one of the blah days...you know the type...where one thing sets you into a whirlwind of emotions...

I am just waiting for Jeff to call me so I can cheer up some.. hearing his voice always helps <3

Off to go work on something while I wait..

*peace and love,
Jen

Saturday, March 20, 2010

FINALLY!!!!

I have been on spring break all week and today has been the most productive day I've had yet!

I worked 8 extra hours today (WOO TIME AND A HALF!) And then I went and ran errands, got the stuff needed for Cain's baby book, the last few things Jeff and I have needed for around the house (for now...new things ALWAYS pop up!). I handwashed the dishes (darn broken dishwasher), laundry, and now am down to just TWO rooms in the house that need gone through and baby proofed and thoroughly cleaned!!!!

I just wanted to take a moment to blog about my conquests and now, I am not ashamed to admit, am off to lay in bed and watch New Moon.

*peace and love,
Jen

Friday, March 19, 2010

To Do Lists

I always have a To Do list going...

lately, its been IMPOSSIBLE to get everything done off of my TO Do List.

Its about a full page long now and every time I feel like I'm getting close to being able to cross a few things off, I have to add about a million more!!!!

Todays main projects:
Finally clear out the rest of the junk in the baby's room
Finish laundry so I can start packing!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Blog Family...

Sometimes while you are blogging, you realize you feel like you know the people who's blogs you read. I started this whole thing to meet women who are military wives..since I don't live on a base I felt like this would help me in the "support" area. It truely has.

You begin to feel like you knowt he people you talk with and whose blogs you read...today, my heart broke for one of those women.

http://alittlepinkinaworldofcamo.blogspot.com/

Mrs P is 23 years old and has a 6 month old daughter..and a husband who was serving in Afghanistan.

My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family as they deal with the awful and terrible news of Mr P's death.

*sorry for the sad post today, but I just felt compelled to post about Mrs P.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Exhaustion

*** In response to my dear Mother In Laws comment on my motorcycle post.... BUT I LOVVVVEEEEEEEEE seeing the motorcycles out :) And am insanely jealous of the people on them!!!!!!! Yes, the streets may be a bit sandy...but my goodness this weather just makes us all itch to get on the bikes!!!!!!

Anyways...topic of the day:
In the last 3 days I have only slept a grand total of about 12 hours.

I am to the point where I am soooo exhausted I feel like I could SNAP!

I take 1 unisom each night (about all I can take due to the baby)...but it isn't working.

I just want to sleep!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Missouri State of Mind...

Next week I will be in Missouri. This= MEGA EXCITING! Jeff is graduating from Basic Training. I can't wait to see him...It has been a long 9 weeks without my best friend.

I can't even explain how proud of him I am. He has flown through basic training without any serious issues. He made it through basic even though he got sick with bronchitis TWICE (he spent a total of 5 days in the sick quarters). He's passed all of his PT tests with FLYING colors. He even made it through grenade training and the gas chamber. And on top of it all, he remained an amazing and faithful husband.

He wrote me about 2 times a week and all of the letters were incredibly romantic and made me smile. They always came at JUST the right time. when I needed him most, he was there for me through his letters. It was perfect :)

I can barely hold in all the excitement I'm feeling about seeing him for the first time in 2 1/2 weeks! This week is my spring break, and I can't even stand it. I just wish it was next week already! HAHA! I never thought I would wish that spring break would hurry and be over...I simply can't wait to be in the car next Wednesday and making that 7 1/2 hour drive to base.

And best of all, I hope that Jeff is happy. I hope he is proud of himself. He should be!

Well, I know you all are probably getting sick of hearing about when I get to see Jeff...but I promise I won't post about it again until after I return (get anxious about pictures!)

Always,
*Jen*

Monday, March 15, 2010

The 5th season of the year...

Motorcycle season. Its a solid April-October. Sometimes you get lucky enough to start in March and get even luckier when you get to extend it into November. There is nothing comparable to sitting on the bike and feeling the fresh air as you take a joy ride. Since Jeff won't be able to ride until the end of May and I'm out of commission until at least July... I want to dedicate this post to our favorite season of the year!






Sunday, March 14, 2010

Scrapbooking...

I love to scrapbook. I started doing it about 2 years ago...however, it can get kind of pricey...

I wish I had an unlimited amount of funds and time so that I could sit and scrapbook all day :)

I've got some great ideas for Cain's scrapbook!!!