One Month.
Thats all the time left until Jeff leaves for his deployment. And its consuming me. All I can think about is how I want to spend every second of every day with him, but thats impossible when he is working 6:30-5 Tuesday through Friday, and I am spending my weekends at clinicals from 7-3:30. I feel like I'm wasting all this time that I should be spending with him and with Cain.
Its been really hard for me to handle actually. I sit and think about all the hours in the next month that I'm spending away from my husband. And then I try and take the positive spin and think about how worth it all of this will be a year from now. A Year from now when Jeff will be home from deployment, I will be done with nursing school, and our life can finally "begin".
But in the meantime, I'm consumed with trying to wrap my brain around "How am I going to do this!?" I am not 100% dependent on Jeff, but I do rely on him a lot. Simple things that he takes care of around the house make all the difference, and when he walks in the door and smiles at me, or hugs me, or when we are holding hands and he'll just squeeze my hand for no reason at all...I rely on those things. And I won't get those things while he is gone. And I don't know how I'll manage without them. For crying out loud, I could barely handle the 17 weeks he was away for BCT and AIT...but 52 weeks?! Seriously? I may just lose my sanity.
I suppose I'll probably spend more of my time writing down my feelings, documenting this experience. I'll write him everyday, and sleep with my phone by my head again, on the loudest ring possible. I finally just got used to putting my phone away at night, because he is here, and now I will have to go back to that constant state of anxiety and paranoia about missing any message or phone call from him. *sigh* oh the life of an army wife.
I know, that at the end of this year, I will be a much stronger person, and my relationships strength will have increased immensely, but knowing that doesn't always make the struggles easier. I also know that Heavenly Father wouldn't deal me more than I can handle, so I just need to continue to put my faith in knowing that I CAN DO THIS--or else He wouldn't have dealt me this experience.
"Sometimes you have to be away from the people you love. This doesnt make you love them less, sometimes it makes you love them more"
Friday, July 9, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
Making my Return!
AH! I have seriously slacked in the blogging world!!! I have so many blogs to catch up and read! I have missed you all! AND HELLO HELLO to my new followers :)
Where should I start?! Motherhood...wonderful! My precious little man is just so wonderful! I can't even describe it :) I'm very grateful for this little blessing in my life. And I have truely enjoyed watching Jeff interact with his son..I can tell you, there is no greater feeling than sitting on the couch next to Jeff admiring our son :) I'm going to really miss that while Jeff is deployed :/
Between diaper changes, feedings, burpings and being a "housewife" I'm still working hard at my nursing classes! I went to clinicals less than 72 hours after delivering! WHOA! Talk about pure exhaustion at the end of that weekend...I've been tired before, but that was a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!! I'm really enjoying what I'm learning right now (coincidently its been the unit about care of a pregnant woman and newborn!) and I love learning new skills at the hospital each weekend for clinicals!
This weekend we are off to St Louis to see all the family and have little man's baby blessing!! Hoping its a smooth weekend and that everybody can get along!
Well, life calls! Back to my duties!
*Jen
Where should I start?! Motherhood...wonderful! My precious little man is just so wonderful! I can't even describe it :) I'm very grateful for this little blessing in my life. And I have truely enjoyed watching Jeff interact with his son..I can tell you, there is no greater feeling than sitting on the couch next to Jeff admiring our son :) I'm going to really miss that while Jeff is deployed :/
Between diaper changes, feedings, burpings and being a "housewife" I'm still working hard at my nursing classes! I went to clinicals less than 72 hours after delivering! WHOA! Talk about pure exhaustion at the end of that weekend...I've been tired before, but that was a WHOLE NEW LEVEL!!! I'm really enjoying what I'm learning right now (coincidently its been the unit about care of a pregnant woman and newborn!) and I love learning new skills at the hospital each weekend for clinicals!
This weekend we are off to St Louis to see all the family and have little man's baby blessing!! Hoping its a smooth weekend and that everybody can get along!
Well, life calls! Back to my duties!
*Jen
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Day 3, Disgruntled Nursing Student, Bird Business
Day 3: Favorite Television Program....I hate to admit this, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE all of the "Real Housewives" Shows...Orange County, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey. I love them all. I think that they make me feel better about my life. Plus its just a tv show I sit and watch and don't have to use my brain for at all (it might even be hurting my brain)...but either way, I love them :)
Alright, I need to vent. I mean, what is a blog for afterall, right!?
I am a nursing student. In my 2nd semester (I have 3 left after this one). I have about 20 kids in the class with me (3 boys, the rest are girls). Most of which work in the healthcare field already, and even if they don't, we have all done clinicals from last semester. We were in the nursing home. I need to start by saying...nursing--when you think of that, what comes to mind? The human body? Dealing with patients?
YES! THATS BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE DO! We deal with the human body...including their eyes, ears, heart, lungs, butt, and genitals, all the way down to their toes. However, you would think that some of the people in my class, didn't know that. They sit and giggle at pictures of the genitals. I just have to vent my frustration with this. GROW UP. We have all seen either a vagina or penis. We either have one, or we've seen them from being married, or from the patient care that we have done at clinicals or our jobs (for those of us who DO work in a health care setting). However, those people...even though they've all seen genitals before, they sit and giggle. REALLY? (the best part is that the class age ranges from 21-40ish...and its not just the young ones giggling).
Second frustration right now is that we just finished our Pregnancy/Labor and Delivery/Post Partum care unit. Since I am the girl who is pregnant in class, it was like I was the FREAK show in class. We watched a video about birth, and nearly every eye was on me instead of on the screen..simply waiting to see how I would react...well, I don't like all eyes on me, its hot outside and I'm 9 months pregnant, so I got all hot and sweaty and you could physically see the sweat on my brow, and of course people had to call attention to that. Yes, I know that delivering a child is going to be uncomfortable, but...so worth it. But thanks for pointing out all the parts that are going to suck- gosh I love my classmates.
Thirdly, the inappropriate comments that came along with the Labor and Delivery unit..There is a lot of touching and pushing that the dr has to do on female parts...and a guy in my class, (who thinks its ok to say this stuff because he is homosexual) asked me if he could massage my fundus (which involves putting a hand in your private parts and pushing on your abdomen from there and from the outside)....Excuse me, but I DONT APPRECIATE you talking to me like that, and when I ask you to not, please don't feel like you can call me a B*tch. Pretty positive if my husband knew you were saying things such as that to me, he'd be through the roof with anger.
Ok. Enough ranting about nursing school. I just can NOT believe the people in my class. There is so much more that I could go on about from individual events, but I'll spare you from having to read that.
In a kind of humorous story (At least it was to me while I was viewing it)...I have a screened in porch, and yesterday I noticed there was a bird in there, flying from panel to panel...I have NO CLUE where he got in...there might be a hole in the screen somewhere (it was a small bird)..so I opened the door hoping he would fly right out...NO!!! the crazy bird took like 2 hours to realize the door was open and he was FREE!!! Goofy thing!
Alright, off to enjoy my Friday! Happy Due Date to me!!!! No baby yet!
*Jen
Alright, I need to vent. I mean, what is a blog for afterall, right!?
I am a nursing student. In my 2nd semester (I have 3 left after this one). I have about 20 kids in the class with me (3 boys, the rest are girls). Most of which work in the healthcare field already, and even if they don't, we have all done clinicals from last semester. We were in the nursing home. I need to start by saying...nursing--when you think of that, what comes to mind? The human body? Dealing with patients?
YES! THATS BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE DO! We deal with the human body...including their eyes, ears, heart, lungs, butt, and genitals, all the way down to their toes. However, you would think that some of the people in my class, didn't know that. They sit and giggle at pictures of the genitals. I just have to vent my frustration with this. GROW UP. We have all seen either a vagina or penis. We either have one, or we've seen them from being married, or from the patient care that we have done at clinicals or our jobs (for those of us who DO work in a health care setting). However, those people...even though they've all seen genitals before, they sit and giggle. REALLY? (the best part is that the class age ranges from 21-40ish...and its not just the young ones giggling).
Second frustration right now is that we just finished our Pregnancy/Labor and Delivery/Post Partum care unit. Since I am the girl who is pregnant in class, it was like I was the FREAK show in class. We watched a video about birth, and nearly every eye was on me instead of on the screen..simply waiting to see how I would react...well, I don't like all eyes on me, its hot outside and I'm 9 months pregnant, so I got all hot and sweaty and you could physically see the sweat on my brow, and of course people had to call attention to that. Yes, I know that delivering a child is going to be uncomfortable, but...so worth it. But thanks for pointing out all the parts that are going to suck- gosh I love my classmates.
Thirdly, the inappropriate comments that came along with the Labor and Delivery unit..There is a lot of touching and pushing that the dr has to do on female parts...and a guy in my class, (who thinks its ok to say this stuff because he is homosexual) asked me if he could massage my fundus (which involves putting a hand in your private parts and pushing on your abdomen from there and from the outside)....Excuse me, but I DONT APPRECIATE you talking to me like that, and when I ask you to not, please don't feel like you can call me a B*tch. Pretty positive if my husband knew you were saying things such as that to me, he'd be through the roof with anger.
Ok. Enough ranting about nursing school. I just can NOT believe the people in my class. There is so much more that I could go on about from individual events, but I'll spare you from having to read that.
In a kind of humorous story (At least it was to me while I was viewing it)...I have a screened in porch, and yesterday I noticed there was a bird in there, flying from panel to panel...I have NO CLUE where he got in...there might be a hole in the screen somewhere (it was a small bird)..so I opened the door hoping he would fly right out...NO!!! the crazy bird took like 2 hours to realize the door was open and he was FREE!!! Goofy thing!
Alright, off to enjoy my Friday! Happy Due Date to me!!!! No baby yet!
*Jen
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Day 2: Favorite Movie
Day 2: My favorite Movie...
This...is tough.
I love A Walk to Remember, Lion King, Butterfly Effect and all of the Harry Potter movies...yes, I am cool like that :)
This week has been...interesting. My husband continues to grow and be more and more amazing and I couldn't askf or anything better...
I've got some exciting news, but I'm trying to stay calm, and get a few things in the works before I announce it all!!!
Well, nursing school duties call, and I have a rather large test tomorrow that I should continue studying for!!!
P.s--obviously no baby yet! I'll let you know when it happens!
This...is tough.
I love A Walk to Remember, Lion King, Butterfly Effect and all of the Harry Potter movies...yes, I am cool like that :)
This week has been...interesting. My husband continues to grow and be more and more amazing and I couldn't askf or anything better...
I've got some exciting news, but I'm trying to stay calm, and get a few things in the works before I announce it all!!!
Well, nursing school duties call, and I have a rather large test tomorrow that I should continue studying for!!!
P.s--obviously no baby yet! I'll let you know when it happens!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Jumping on the Bandwagon...30 days of me
Well, I have been considering doing this, and today I saw my good friend is doing it on her blog...so here we go!
30 days of me!
Day 1: your favorite song
Day 2: Your favorite movie
Day 3: your favorite television program
Day 4: Your favorite book
Day 5: your favorite quote
Day 6: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 7: a photo that makes you happy
Day 8: a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9: a photo you took
Day 10: a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11: a photo of you taken recently
Day 12: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13: a fictional book
Day 14: a non fictional book
Day 15: a fanfic
Day 16: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17: an art piece
Day 18: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19: a talent of yours
Day 20: a hobby of yours
Day 21: a recipe
Day 22: a website
Day 23: a YouTube video
Day 24: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25: your day, in great detail
Day 26: Your week, in great detail
Day 27: this month, in great detail
Day 28: this year, in great detail
Day 29: hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: whatever tickles your fancy
*I'm going to just point out, that I am due ANY day now, so I may not get these all done in 365 consecutive days, since while I'm in the hospital I won't be blogging!!!!*
Day 1: Favorite Song.
Obviously, my wedding song. The song that Jeff and I danced to as man and wife for the first time...It's been one of our favorites, and we've danced to it many times, but my favorite was obviously at our wedding...
One Boy, One Girl by Collin Raye
30 days of me!
Day 1: your favorite song
Day 2: Your favorite movie
Day 3: your favorite television program
Day 4: Your favorite book
Day 5: your favorite quote
Day 6: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 7: a photo that makes you happy
Day 8: a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 9: a photo you took
Day 10: a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11: a photo of you taken recently
Day 12: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13: a fictional book
Day 14: a non fictional book
Day 15: a fanfic
Day 16: A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17: an art piece
Day 18: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19: a talent of yours
Day 20: a hobby of yours
Day 21: a recipe
Day 22: a website
Day 23: a YouTube video
Day 24: whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25: your day, in great detail
Day 26: Your week, in great detail
Day 27: this month, in great detail
Day 28: this year, in great detail
Day 29: hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30: whatever tickles your fancy
*I'm going to just point out, that I am due ANY day now, so I may not get these all done in 365 consecutive days, since while I'm in the hospital I won't be blogging!!!!*
Day 1: Favorite Song.
Obviously, my wedding song. The song that Jeff and I danced to as man and wife for the first time...It's been one of our favorites, and we've danced to it many times, but my favorite was obviously at our wedding...
One Boy, One Girl by Collin Raye
Saturday, June 12, 2010
*insert creative title here*
*sigh*
I'm not the most creative blogger, but I do like to write here to get things off my mind, to vent, to let people know how awesome Jeff is, etc etc. I've stumbled across some really great blogs in the past couple days, and am looking forward to getting more into the swing of blogging.
Jeff has been gone for 6 days now. 6 days down, 17ish left to go. Hopefully we'll get a couple days together in the next week or so when Jeff *hopefully* gets to come home for the birth of our son. I'm getting pretty anxious for our baby to show up, not only because I'm ready to meet the little guy, but also because I'm ready to see Jeff again!!! DOUBLE AWESOME!!
Today I had a friend over for lunch, it was nice to cook for somebody. Thats one of the things I really really miss while Jeff is away. I miss cooking dinner for him, or having dinner waiting in the crockpot for him if I was away at work when he wanted to eat. *he got kind of spoiled*. But seriously, call me old fashioned, but having dinner ready for Jeff was one of the little pleasures in my life. And often times on the weekend, he would help me get dinner ready. We are so ridiculous together in the kitchen--I like to tidy as I go, and keep everything neat and clean, he...does not. AT ALL. I love the silly times we've had just getting dinner ready. Simple things like that are whats most important in your relationship--knowing how blissfully happy you can be just while preparing a meal <3
I better start planning my menus for when he is home, because I've only got the month of July to awe him with my cooking skills before he is off to the sandbox. *sigh*
I'm not the most creative blogger, but I do like to write here to get things off my mind, to vent, to let people know how awesome Jeff is, etc etc. I've stumbled across some really great blogs in the past couple days, and am looking forward to getting more into the swing of blogging.
Jeff has been gone for 6 days now. 6 days down, 17ish left to go. Hopefully we'll get a couple days together in the next week or so when Jeff *hopefully* gets to come home for the birth of our son. I'm getting pretty anxious for our baby to show up, not only because I'm ready to meet the little guy, but also because I'm ready to see Jeff again!!! DOUBLE AWESOME!!
Today I had a friend over for lunch, it was nice to cook for somebody. Thats one of the things I really really miss while Jeff is away. I miss cooking dinner for him, or having dinner waiting in the crockpot for him if I was away at work when he wanted to eat. *he got kind of spoiled*. But seriously, call me old fashioned, but having dinner ready for Jeff was one of the little pleasures in my life. And often times on the weekend, he would help me get dinner ready. We are so ridiculous together in the kitchen--I like to tidy as I go, and keep everything neat and clean, he...does not. AT ALL. I love the silly times we've had just getting dinner ready. Simple things like that are whats most important in your relationship--knowing how blissfully happy you can be just while preparing a meal <3
I better start planning my menus for when he is home, because I've only got the month of July to awe him with my cooking skills before he is off to the sandbox. *sigh*
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